Sometimes it takes getting knocked down to rock bottom to truly realize how often and freely you give your power away. When I say power, I don’t mean control, mentally or physically, I mean your peace and who you are.
Whether it is through relationships (both good and bad), work environments, expectations from family, anything really, we as humans can tend to lose ourselves and who we are by giving most, if not all, of our power to others (people, places, or things). If I’m confusing you with these winded explanations, let me break it down short and sweet :
Reclaiming your power is about loving and trusting in yourself.
Think about all the times you’ve allowed your thoughts, values, or goals to shift because of an outside influence. Or maybe even saw a future, with a person, or at a company, that was swiftly taken away from you. Those moments, when you feel lost, when your heart is in the bottom of your stomach, and you don’t know where to turn next, are when you need to reclaim you, your power, the most. Your path and life will change, that is inevitable. Staying true to who you are and even learning who you are, through tough times, when you feel powerless, is what reclaiming your power truly means.
Before getting into some ways to reclaim your power, it is important to acknowledge what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Identifying why you feel lost and why you may be out of sorts can require some deep soul searching, but it is necessary. Was it getting let go at a job? A breakup? Fight with a friend? Understanding what is causing these low-level emotions is the first step. Next Step? Feel them.
Feel every single emotion. Name everything thing you are feeling. Sadness. Resentment. Disappointment. Regret. Relief. Anger. Then think about how you feel each of those. The knot in your stomach. The rock in your throat. That piercing pain above your eyebrow in your brain. The heaviness in your legs. Now tie those intense feelings to the words. That knot is your stomach tightens up when you are sad or missing someone. That intense headache is when you are disappointed in yourself. Whatever it is for you, identify it. and feel it. Feel the low-level emotions! Do not sweep these under the rug, because these feelings aren’t “bad” feelings, consider them signs. When you start to connect the “gut” feelings to the emotions or the situation, you’ll start to listen to your body when it is screaming “no” to you. You’ll start to get what your body has been trying to tell you all along. Once you are in tune with yourself, then you can start the internal work to reclaim your power. You got this.
Embrace Failure
Not everything is going to be perfect, and that is ok. Understanding, and I mean truly understanding, that not everything will be sunshine and rainbows is the key to embracing failure. In order to reclaim your power, its important to redefine “failure” as just a shift in direction from your ideal plan. Got that job you love and look forward to every day, but then there is a re-org and that position is no longer available? Not a failure. Just a shift. Maybe you’ll find an even better position with better pay. Just because one thing ends, doesn’t mean that life is over.
At the end of the day “failure” teaches us lessons. Teachable moments aren’t just for a classroom, they are for everyday life. Failing does not mean the end of the road, it means something new is on the horizon. Reclaiming your power can start when you start seeing a “failure” as a pivot to a new opportunity or new experience, there’s really no limits to where life will progress to.
Saying No
Say no – frequently and often, if necessary.
The power in saying no is extraordinary. Honestly, saying yes when you do not want to say yes to something can cause a slew of unhealthy chain reactions. The mental, and sometimes physical, stress of people-pleasing can be so incredibly heavy. Saying yes to everything, is quite literally, putting everybody before yourself. Remember, reclaiming your power is really putting yourself, your health and thoughts, first. Are there times when you have to say yes, 100%. I’m not encouraging you to say “No” whenever you are asked to do something, its always nice to go above and beyond for someone or step out of your comfort zone every once in a while, but more to set limitations and think about what you truly want to do and, more importantly, are capable of doing.
Do you want to go out to dinner with that guy you met last night at a bar? Not really, but he bought you a few drinks and it is at a really nice restaurant you’ve always wanted to try, so you might as well say yes and go. Nope. If you aren’t feeling something, say no, it could be a hard no or a “no, but.” Think about it : That dinner you said yes to, when you really wanted to say no, seems like a hassle because you really wanted to stay in tonight and lay low get some extra work done. You’ve been sleeping like crap and really wanted to get to bed early in hopes of feeling refreshed the next morning. Work has been super stressful since it is Q4, so you wanted to spend some extra time on the project you’ve been assigned while just relaxing with some much needed alone time. But you went to the dinner anyway, felt bad that he might think you aren’t interested if you said no, so you didn’t rest like you needed or get the work done. That dinner you said yes to, made you incredibly stressed out at work the next day because you had 3 client calls and no time to complete the tasks you wanted to be done with already but didn’t have the chance to finish because you had to get ready to go out last night. Not to mention the splitting headache thats a caused from the combination of a slight wine hangover and lack of sleep. You’re now staying at work late to get work done, but things keep piling on your plate. Your stress level just keeps rising because you don’t know when are how you’ll be able to catch up. Totally random, relatable, and super broad example, but see how one people-pleasing “yes” can turn into a landslide of events in multiple aspects of your life? It really is ok to say No. You’ve probably experienced much more severe instances than this one, but I’m sure you get it.
“Saying No” not only helps you reclaim your power, but it can help bring happiness, define your path, and provide you with clear vision on where you, and only you, want to see your life heading.
Stay Away From Toxic People Who Disrupt Your Peace
Say. It. Louder. For. The. People. In. The. Back.
This is going to be short sweet and to the point. Seeing the best in every person is very important, but what’s more important is identifying when someone is no good, or no longer good, for you and your life. If someone is sucking energy from you, it is ok to stay away from them. Sometimes you notice this right away, other times it stays hidden for sometime. It can be difficult, like extremely difficult, to cut ties with people, but in order to reclaim your power, you need to set boundaries with people and sometimes that means parting ways. Respect yourself, your energy, and most importantly your peace.
Quick Sidenote : You can be toxic for someone else, too. Internally think about what you are bringing to the table and begin to identify your own toxic behaviors. Self Improvement is always necessary. If someone leaves you, or something happens that you did not initiate, part of taking back your power, is acknowledging that maybe you were not meant to be in that situation. Maybe this plot twist you didn’t see coming is leading you to some of the best things in your life.
Be Alone
You do not have to always associate with something else. A person, place or thing. Not everyone has a place in your life. You do not have a place in everyone’s life. There will be times when you seem to be charting into unknown waters, alone. That’s okay. It can be scary, but again, that’s okay.
Reclaiming your power is not a giant happy party, going through this sucks. Like big time, sucks. In full transparency, learning who you are, what you are capable of, and getting over a painful event is not easy. Yes, this is a super light-hearted and fun blog post, but we need to call a spade a spade and it really is difficult. If you are embarking on this journey to reclaim your power, I commend you. I am excited for you and hope at the end you rise as the person you are meant to be.
Embrace the suck. Embrace being alone. Embrace finding yourself. Embrace trusting yourself. When no one is next to you to guide you or hold your hand, you are the only person who can lead. You and you alone, with your intuition and whatever spiritual wisdom you believe in, are it. This is when you really discover who you are, what you need, and what you want. You can also find out who is meant to be in your life and who isn’t, but that comes from really connecting with, understanding, and loving yourself.
Reclaim Your Power
At the end of the day, the point is to not let a situation or person take and maintain keeping your power. Your power is yours, don’t let it escape you. Letting a situation or person have power over you is what we want to avoid. That painful breakup may seem like the end, it’s not. That business you started going under, it’s not the end. The minute you start to maintain your power in whatever situation life throws at you, really shows how much you have healed.
If you are currently on the healing journey, and reclaiming your power, I am excited for you. Healing is truly an incredible thing and is something many people brush over lightly. To truly heal and reclaim your power is rewarding. As you continue on your healing journey, always remember to:
- Maintain The Standards That You Set
- Embrace Your True Authenticity
- Never Settle
- Truly and Entirely, Protect Your Energy
- Allow for Set Backs and Continued Growth
Good Luck. You Got This.
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Teena Fey 