I’ve been told a few times that life isn’t always perfect. Ain’t that the truth. I can’t even begin to count the amount of times that things have gone wrong. Without being incredibly cliche, life really is a roller coaster. You could be on top of the world one day and with the blink of an eye, everything can seem to crumble to the ground around you.
It happens to everyone. Literally. Everyone has had that sad feeling at some point in their life. And guess what?
It’s okay to have that sad feeling.
That rock bottom, nothing can get better, sad feeling. That sad feeling that is totally earth-shattering and takes over every aspect of your life. It’s okay to have that. That feeling that makes you feel the most helpless and unconsolable. The non-stop stressing. The sleepless nights. The tears that just non-stop fall. The endless phone calls to the people that love you. That sad feeling that you wish was never a thing. It’s okay to have that.
It’s okay to have that sad feeling.
Because after a while, you start to realize that you aren’t as close to rock bottom as you may have originally thought. You aren’t going to let yourself stay in this ditch that you think you’re stuck in. That sad feeling shouldn’t of even been a thing. You’re better than that. But let’s be real, that initial moment can last for what feels like a lifetime. The sad feeling that makes seconds feel like hours, hours feel like days, and weeks feel like years. It’s okay to have that. Because you know what? It ends. That sad feeling does go away. It’ll come back, because that’s what it does. It tests you. It makes you question if you can get out of this rut. You can. You will eventually get to the point where you may just start thinking that this sad feeling can get better.
It’s okay to have that sad feeling.
That sad feeling that finally starts to go away for good, no more tests. It’s okay to have that. Things start to get better and you start to forget why that sad feeling was even a thing to begin with in the first place. That sad feeling that isn’t really a sad feeling at all any more. It is more than okay to have that because that sad feeling becomes a thing of the past. Those sleepless nights become a good night’s rest. Those tears stop falling. That helplessness goes away and you start feel in control again. That sad feeling that isn’t a thing anymore really turned things around.
It’s okay to have that sad feeling.
Because in the end, without that sad feeling the good feelings wouldn’t be as great as they are. Without that sad feeling you would be comfortable being content. That sad feeling forced you to be better. It forced you to grow. Without that sad feeling you’d still be in the same place you were. It may just be the push you need to become the person you’re meant to be. That sad feeling isn’t a sad feeling anymore. At the end of the day that sad feeling is the reason that things got better. You got better. That sad feeling doesn’t last forever. You can’t let it last forever.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to feel whatever you feel and it’s ok to go through whatever you are going through. It’s also more than okay to talk about it. Normalize talking about your mental health.
Who remembers Britney Spears in 2007? I absolutely do. That, my friends, is coming damn near close to hitting rock bottom. Shaved head and all Britney climbed back up from the depths of darkness to one of the best comebacks the world has ever seen. As much as I hope no one ever gets near rock bottom, there’s sometimes other things that happen in our life that can send us into an emotional spiral.
Let’s admit it, life isn’t always butterflies and rainbows. We’ve all had those moments where it seems like any and all things that can go wrong, go wrong. But let’s take a page out of Britney’s 2007 book, get back up and bounce back to your bad ass self that you know you are.
Things are going to happen, break-ups, fights, disappointments at work, even something as small as forgetting to do something you had to do! Don’t you dare let your setback ruin your comeback. Whatever it is that has got you all out of sorts, let’s handle it and get you back to the strong confident person you know you are. As one of my favorite people told me, “put on your big girl jeggings and handle it.” So let’s do the damn thing:
1. Embrace How You Are Feeling
This is your time to get your emotions out. Get mad, get angry, get ridiculously upset, give yourself five minutes of emotional time. Whatever you are going through or dealing with, really feel it and all the emotions that go with it.
Honestly, get your emotions out. A little cry never hurt anyone and neither did getting really angry about a situation. Think about what happened, really reflect on your feelings, why you feel that way, and what caused it to get to this point. Really bask in the crappiness of what happened to you. We are not in the business of brushing emotions under the rug and forgetting about them. Own it.
Seriously, let every single emotion out. Rant to your friends. Write in your journal. Throw a hissy fit in your room. Don’t punch walls or people, let’s let out our emotions while controlling anger :). Do not hold back. Why is this important? Because embracing your emotions makes you more aware of what is going on. It helps spark a little fire under your butt to do something about it and make change.
Maybe that guy you were talking to ghosted you. That sucks. You really liked him and really thought it could go somewhere. Get mad. How could someone do something like that to you?! Maybe you were expecting a promotion at work and it went to someone else. Be angry, you worked hard every day and produced quality work every single day. Maybe a relationship ended that you didn’t expect to. Losing someone close to you sucks especially when you didn’t want it to happen. Be sad, it’s okay to cry about it.
You know what happens from owning your emotions and really thinking about what’s happened? It sparks action.
2. Identify What the Problem is
You got all the feels out of the way now, so let’s move on and figure out what exactly the problem is.
Confirmed – You know how you feel about what happened to you and it’s not a good feeling. Do not allow yourself to become a Negative Nancy. It’s easy to get lost in your emotions and start thinking that different aspects of your life are falling apart also (when they really aren’t). You might even start to nit-pick yourself and ask questions like “What if I didn’t do this?” or “What if I had done that?” What if questions are deadly, avoid those at all costs.
Let’s use the break-up as the example here. Break-ups suck, if you do the breaking up or get broken up with, there is still a lot of pain and emotions involved. Let’s not go Carrie Underwood in this and start keying the side of trucks.
First ask yourself – How exactly do you feel about what’s happened and why?
“Like trash” has been my go-to for when I feel negative emotions, but that’s not helping yourself. Think about each emotion and why.
Why are you sad? You’re losing one of your best friends are it’s hard to imagine life without them. You weren’t expecting this. You think you hurt someone you deeply care about’s feelings. You already miss the person. Why are you angry? You can’t believe you poured so much into one relationship to have it fail. Some choice words might have been exchanged and you are heated about it.
Next, ask yourself – Does it make sense that I feel this way?
Let’s be honest with ourselves, sometimes the crisis handling stops here. I am 100% guilty of realizing my emotions are uncalled for and it’s pretty funny to look back and laugh about some things that I let get under my skin. But remember if you neglect to reflect on why you are feeling some sort of way, you might not ever have this realization. Go through each emotion and if you come to the conclusion that all those feels are justifiable, then:
Finally, ask yourself – What is it that is really bothering me?
Maybe you start to come to the conclusion that you are sad because this happened again. Rejection and failure are two pretty hard pills to swallow.
Maybe you understand that some of your actions, or theirs, were just unacceptable and the relationship was unhealthy. Letting go of something, even if it is not right for you, is tough to do.
Use these questions for whatever situation you find yourself in. Understand exactly what it is that is causing you to be upset.
3. Find the Silver Lining
I am such a firm believer that there is a positive that comes out of every crappy situation. Our girl Britney went from shaving her head in an emotional meltdown to releasing the #1 Billboard Album, Circus. She even etched that $30 million dollar Las Vegas residency deal a few years ago! If she could get through 2007, then you can damn right get through today.
As miserable as you may think a situation is, there is also some piece of positivity that can come from it. Change your perspective and realize that not everything is in the shitter. It’s difficult to do when you think everything is going up in flames in one big old dumpster fire around you, but there are so many good things happening that you might not even notice.
Try to come up for 5 things that make you happy, they can be anything! They might have nothing to do with the situation that just happened, but get brainstorming. Once you do this you might have a different perspective looking at the crap setback you have in your life. Look at the situation through a different pair on glasses, and it might open your eyes to seeing some new things.
Plan Your Comeback
Now that you looked through the original problem and can see that it is not as debilitating as it seemed. It’s time to get to action.
So let’s make the damn thing happen.
Pick your head up and get to work. No sulking here. You don’t get time back and the more time you wait the tougher it will be to get a grasp on what’s happened to you. The final few questions you need to ask yourself here are –
What am I going to accomplish? Is this maintainable and something I can stick to? How am I going to get this done?
With that I’ll leave you with something to think about. Only you know what you are really feeling and going through, don’t let anyone tell you that you should or should not be having a set of emotions. Because you are in control of how you feel, you are also in control of how you come back!
Remember that you are strong, confident, amazing human who is capable of incredible things. Don’t ever let some person or event take that from you.
I really hope this was helpful for you. I’ve been dealing with my own setback this past week and am starting to feel like I am getting back to being myself. I know I’m a far ways off and know that really getting over something takes time, but now is a great time to start and make the mindset change. – Tina
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